Thursday, June 5, 2008


As I laid and constantly looking up hoping to see the stars, I wondered the meaning of life, love and living. What intrigued me the most how some people can handled problems well, maybe we think to much and has gone deep beyond our imagination to solved our problems. All problems can be solved, yea tell that to friend who has been cheated out of business so many times and he can’t even afford to buy cigarette.
How many times can you fall in and out of love? Ask yourselves what is really love. How many person can you love? We are not talking about the love to our parents and families, we are talking about our love ones. What it takes to fall in love with our “love ones” Lust? That would be fatal, or how many can we love? Can a woman love so many men? Like man can love so many women. After all man can marry four, so man is capable of loving four women, is that the answer? And a woman can love only one? What is if a woman can sleep with so many men and fall in love with only one man, is that possible, so that is lust and it is fatal. No, not unless she is discovered. What the partner don’t know will not hurt him, yea we hear that so many times, so what does make us. I don’t have the answer. So what is really love, what it is based on. We lied and get away all the time but what happened when we are caught and the truth prevailed? Wiggled out hoping to be forgive and then to forget. Mind works in a funny ways, it keep telling and reminding you of such and you regularly wakes up in the middle of the nights thinking about it. The next morning your eyes are fluffy and red and your love one asked you, how come you can’t sleep last night? What s your answer? Because you love your love one so intently you said nothing at all. Bummer !!!! Are you a coward, you asked yourself, no it will all go away eventually and that is what your are trying to convinced yourself or rather cheat yourself and hoping it will get better. It heals with times. Does it really or will it be a time bomb, ticking away and waiting to explode. It all depend on how you handled it, after all we are still the weakling human being. When you say sorry, what does that mean, it means I will not do it again or I won’t repeat it. How many sorry did we say to our love one or worst still saying sorry so many times for the same incidents, Is that a regret or seeking for forgiveness. Alright apologies accepted and does that mean it is forgotten Whatever that started not based on truth or putting it severely on lies, it gets so saturated in our mind, you wonder where is the truth.
Let s talk about regrets. No one and no one can changed what happened to us historically. We can’t changed what we were before. We did wrong, we regretted but some don’t and it kept repeating. It is fine when it does not involved your love one, but what when it did? The question is, does your past haunt you? Or you are still living in your past, not wanting to let go. It is a lesson not only for me but for everyone. Keep holding to the past, you will never regret till the day you are numbered. I can asked a question, have I betrayed, only I have the answer and can I answered with a clear conscience if I choose to answer. Will my pupil dilate, yes it will when I lie. Will my tone changed, yes it will when I lie. Does that mean lies is easy to detect? Yes it does then why the hell does they invent a lie detector if you can tell the different. I wish I could see a person differently. Lies and regret does not coupled as I desperately trying to seek the truth.

Thursday, May 29, 2008


Ever since I was a baby girl I had a dream
Cinderella theme
Crazy as it seems
Always knew that deep inside that there would come that day
But I would have to wait
Make so many mistakes
I couldn't comprehend
As I watched it unfold
This classic story told I left it in the cold
Walking through an open door that led me back to you
Each one unlocking more of the truth
I finally stopped tripping on my youth
I finally got lost inside of you
I finally know that I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally
I remember the beginning you already knew
I acted like a fool
Just trying to be cool
Fronting like it didn't matter
I just ran away
And on another phase
Was lost in my own space
Found what its like to hurt selfishly
Scared to give of me
Afraid to just believe
I was in a jealous, insecure, pathetic place
Stumbled through the mess that I have made
Finally got out of my own way
I've Finally started living for today
I finally know that I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have a our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Gave my love to him Finally
Finally, Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something beautiful is happening, happening
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally
Ohhhhhhh, Finally, Finally, finally

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


How do you erased something from your mind. No matter what you do, it will remained in your mind. Mind works in mysterious ways and when you sleep and woke up in the middle of the night you will think and that is the lowest point in your life. You asked yourself what is life? Why am I living? What is the purposed of my life? I don't have the answer but when you go back to fundamental, life begins and and life ends. In between what am I supposed to do. Has it promised to you that you will have a happy life since the day you were borned. No one is, there are sad stories and in fact some a horrific that you kept wondering is this what life is all about. Did we choose the way we live or we planned the way we live. What about the circumstances that happened along the way that we did not choose or predicted? It came to us whether we like it or not. Yea tell me about it. We still have to live with it. Everyone has their own problems, so did I and few billion people in these world. We thought our problems are hugh and it is the end of the world but when we listern or came to know about other people problems, we feel very small and our problems are at the tip of the iceberg. What s your advise? Take a step a day, still it will not go away. The day our problems end is the day when we closed our eyes permanently. We have happy times but none will last. Happy and sad that what makes life so short.

Monday, May 19, 2008


I thank you for all the comment and suport from people I know or I don't. In the beginning the feeling of being locked up did not occur that it would traumatise me. Now I felt that I am my prisioner in my own apartment. Since then I moved out since I am not able to face the drama that happened to me. I have not only to face her everyday but the comment and glare she gave me everytime as if she is the victim. Who is actually the victim, I would say it me that is the victim of circumstances. Thank you for reminding me it is going to be a criminal charge that will go down on my record forever. Where is justice? Her boyfriend is a foreigner, and he will leave our beloved country as soon as he is done what he is supposed to do, and what about her, she is packing to leave my apartment after I told her to leave. That leave me to face all alone. If it was me who was in the act of kalwat, I don't mind but it was a clear case that wasn't me and our dear friends drag me so deep I had to pay bail and maybe engaged a lawyer. Another fees to pay, for what do you asked me, just cos some selfish friends wanted to save their ass. I have no remorse when I am loosing these friends, I gain strength and support from my other friends. The impact of the case is so great, not that I am guilty but the thought kept coming to me that I are always alone in my mind and it happened to me. I am stressed out, I cried almost everyday thinking about their action and they don't even have the feeling of guilt, but instead blamed me. I don't have anywhere else to go except my apartment. They are going to leave, rent another room with some other at another apartment. I pity the landlord who would rent out to them cos if they are caught again, that poor landlord, just like me will be in the same shoe as I am and being charged as another cmmon criminal. How do I make them realised their mistake and make them feel responsible for their own act. My boyfriend said to me, what goes around will come around. What is friend, I know the answer but what is not friends, I just look at them.


Tuesday, May 6, 2008

A day in JAWI lockup...

I would like to share the experience - This is the story
" It was a very tiring day as we went out the whole day and and we lost our way a few times to find a friend 's house at Damansara Damai. At 11 pm we arrived home , I was so tired and and immediately go to bed alone as I had to work the next day. At about 4 am, someone knock my door and its my housemate said it was JAWI .I opened the door and there was 3-4 guys n 2 gals are in my house. They search the whole house and found my hsemate bf in the third room alone (my apartment have 3 bedrooms I am in master, she s in second). They question us how that guy end up sleeping there and confessed that I am not aware and explained I was tired sleep immediately after we reached home... But my house mate was CUNNING by saying that I allowed him to sleep in my apartment since it was very late and that we are all JUST FRIENDS!. We were taken to JAWI at 5 am and remanded us in 2 separate cell . At 6.30 am my hsemate wanna go to toilet but no one was around. She and her bf knocked and shook the gate and lock, it was so annoying but still no one came. 7.30am finally an officer came and she open the door for her. My housemate want me to lie and followed her story when I was called to give my statement I was proportly to admit that, we are all just friend and no one is special, and tha I a also aware that that guy is around and the two of them never slept together and that I gave him permissionto sleep over because I owened the apartment for the excuse that his house is far away in Cyberjaya. I was confused and so stressed out for being locked up for the offend I did not commit In the beginning I agreed to later I though to myself and I feel it was wrong to give a false statement. I started to wonder why I am here in the lock up? Should i lie for them??? GOD help me, i cant contact anybody coz i dont want to make things worse plus my BF also not around as he was in overseas.. The only person I contected was my girlfriend and shes is willing to help me. My housemate ( not anyore cos I asked her to leave my apartment immediately) kept reminding me about the lies and he devious plan and warn me if i don't do so we all will be in big trouble. REALLY??? WE OR U??? but of coz I am not so mean and selfish like them and at about 11.30 am I was called for statement... I wanted to say as she brainwashed me (as she reminded me over and over again for almost 100 times!!!) but i was surprised and shocked, the investigator ask me about my back ground and eventually came the time to confess .
kak, that nite i came home and felt so tired. I imeduately went to bed and slept, at 4 am someone knock my room door very loud. I opened the door and JAWI people are all over my house. I saw the my housemate boy friend came out from the third room. THATS ALL. The lady ask me if I know are they couple?? answered I DONT KNOW and I DONT WANT TO MAKE ANY ASSUMPTION then she told me that I have to remember and think of myself before others... and she also told me about few Islamic law which I"ve learn before in school
They send me back to the cell and my friend was done with her statement.. She asked me what did I said?? and i told her. She went balustic and nuts and say WHY DONT U SAY WE ARE JUST FRIEND??? WHY DID YOU SAY NO ..NO??? Y??? Y CANT U JUST FOLLOW THE PLAN??? U GAVE ME HEADACHE!!! WHY DONT U SAY WE LET HIM SLEEP IN THIRD ROOM COZ HIS TIRED?? then she pulled her SOUR face .. Then I ask her back "whats ur statement??" She say I followed the planned I said u allow him to stay as u are the owner of the house.
WHATTTTTTTTT???????? ME???????? oh GOD what is she trying to do??? I was so disappointed and pissed with her, but i just shut my mouth...another lady friend of mine called and I repeated to her what happened... she convinced me that the statement I gave was the right thing to do and she said obviously your housemate is dragging you in for the fact that they are selfish and do not want to admit to thier own act. We need someone to bail us before going to the court and GUESS WHAT??? My housemate claimed that my lady friend will bail her and said that she don't have any other friend and she can't tell her family about this and asked me to get another bailer but my lady friend she said NO I JUST WANNA BAIL U AND NOT YOUR HOUSEMATE. At this point of time I am so pissed with her so as usual I gave in but fortunately my ladyfriend is able to bail the two of us. I am so so very sad with her attitude, SELFISHNESS AND HER SELF CENTEREDNESS!!!
we left JAWI at 2pm... But her bf have to wait for his friend to bail him out. When we are out she wanna wait there for her boyfriend ut I said "lets go! its late" and she refused, she say i wanna wait for him. WHAT??? WAIT IN FRONT OF THE COUNTER??? You say YOU ARE JUST FRIEND and why bother to wait?? The people behind the counter asked her with a killing question. U SAID HE IS JUST UR FRIEND AND NOW U ARE RELEASED AND WHYARE U WAITING? HIS BAILER IS HERE U CAN GO! and guess what her answer??? Hey why cant wait for my friend?? is it wrong?? I was shocked with her reply and I cant wait anymore, i left with my lady friend while she still inside waiting for him and they HAPPILY walk together and another man near me said hey I thought they are just friend? I'm speechless! As we on our way home another episode began, now the Boyfriend blamed callobarating with them and I am supposed to give a WRONG statement... he say WHY CAN YOU JUST ANSWER NO! ITS SIMPLE, NO! then i say "its not as simple as u say, if i answer that they know i lied". NO THEY WONT! COS THEY ARE STUPID! and I say "I have an explanation, later in court I have to stick to my answer and i know i cant lie there, i can tell the truth and thats the truth that i dont know what really happen between u guys that nite!" he say NO NO U SHOULD SAY NO! "hey come on think far, if i answer no, they will say i am covering up for u guys and will charged me ," NO THEY WONT THEY ARE STUPID! "arghhhhh you are stupid!!! what are you trying to do??? make me guilty??? that my house??? what i've done today is it not helping you enough??? if I am not your friend i could jut say yes they are couple and been fucking for all along and they will release me immediately but i dont!!! and you (i pointed to my house mate) if u are wise enough you could just say she dont know anything i did let him stayed not her!!! but what did u say??? now u saidhave u headache coz i gave a wrong statement!!!(i shouted)" she reply IF U ARE IN MY POSITION I WILL DO AS WE PLANNED??? "whattttttttttt hey if this thing happened to me!!! i would say u we sleeping when he come and u have no idea about it!!! thats what friends are for!!"... silence... Once I reached home I locked myself in my room till 11 pm and cried coz i cannot imagine why she did that to me!! and still blamed me!! :( she really dont understand or just plain DUMB!!! When i was watching TV that nite she come to me and say, hey hope u wont think much bout what he say, he is just tense and everybody is as well.. Owh my God, she will never learn to be responsible!!! Now i have to face her everyday at my home and i felt like i hate to go home coz of this... Please advice what should i say in court??? Should I tell the TRUTH?? or Should I just stick to my statement and play my part as a good friend??? or Should I follow her plan???...."- I dont know what else to say then pray to Allah and be patience.. Allah will always help innocent people...

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


Semua orang tahu nasi ayam best kat Jalan Bukit Bintang but that day I was lazy to walked that far and decided to fill my hunger pang at the corner just besides Bukit Bintang Complex, used to be the famous Chicken rice shop.
All was well and we ( as two of us) ordered chicken rice and two plate of drum stick. One came as drum stick and the other came as breast. I wanted to ask for a changed but hmmm..ramai orang so I am eager to fill my tummy with whatever is infront of me. We had some side dished and after filling quite satified with the whole meal, I asked for the bill. I never really would go through the bill on regular days but I noticed that it was written as two drum stick and ask whether there is a price different between drum stick and breast. A few cent I was told and I told the guy at the counter that I was given the breast instead of drum stick and the waiter was making a big fuss that he served me drum stick. I stared at him and told him that I can tell between a drum stick and a breast but he instited that it was a drum stick. I do not want to argued but told him that he can shoved the drum stick up his "whatever" and told him I am able to pay for 10 drum sticks, I paid the extra cost of that uneatern drum stick and left with a swear I would never return to that shop again. If that s the only chicken rice in the whole wide world I would swithed to Duck rice perhaps.


Did you ever go to any public counter service to get anything done and realised that what is supposed to be simple and the person behind the counter is just like " why are you bothering me"?
I was at Public Bank main office Jalan Yap Kwan Seng recently and thought that I would poped in to change my ATM card that always gave me problem whenever I wanted to withdraw my money from the auto teller.
The first question the lady behind the counter asked me " Do you have your pass book with you. Hell no. I was thinking why did she asked me such a stupid question and who in the world would carry a pass book with them. Maybe some did but definately not me. In returned when I said I don't have it with me and the thought came to my mind. What if I have it with me, would the next question is , can I see your IC ?
No pass book, ok, IC will do she said to me. So I was thinking why in the fist instant she asked for the freaking pass book.
So I asked her can I get it changed?
Ok RM 50 for that. WHAT???? RM 50 just to changed the atm card.

The whole scenario is just to proof the point that when ever you go and try to get a service behind the counter, you ll end up spoiling your mood for the whole day.